Number 8 by Anna Fienberg

Author:Anna Fienberg
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2006-10-17T04:00:00+00:00

8. Esmerelda

I wonder what Valerie is singing right now. Maybe it’s Patti Smith’s rendition of Prince’s “When Doves Cry.” Doves make you think of peace, of soft gray winter mornings. There’s none of that in this song. There’s sweat, heat, blood, and guts. Patti Smith feels things “in her bowels.” Valerie says Patti is electrifying. She says you ache with her. It’s true, too. You wouldn’t classify Patti Smith as soul—she’s more punk rock—so I think Valerie might be exaggerating when she says Patti is a favorite of hers. But for sure Valerie thinks Patti Smith is a legend, a real artist. Who wouldn’t, if she can make you ache?

Valerie could be singing that song right now.

Maybe I could leap out this window right now. Maybe I could smash the glass and leave home. Then I’d be on the missing persons list at the Homeland Police Station. Mom would have to go there every day after the bank, sobbing into her handkerchief. She’d hang onto the detective’s sleeve. If I could just have that day again, I’d let her go, she’d sob, if I could just have my daughter back, I’d let her fly …

Yeah, if I ran away, then she’d be sorry. Maybe I could write a song about it. I could call it “Let Me Go to the Pub!” Well, maybe I should cut out the pub bit. What rhymes with “go?” Sew, low, show…

Patti Smith says people screaming at each other sounds like doves crying. That line makes me cry.

Valerie burned that CD for me. But I could never play it at home because one of the songs is called “Pissing in the River” and the f-word is all over the place. Mom would have a fit.

I guess it doesn’t matter anymore what Mom thinks because I’ll probably never talk to her again. She sure doesn’t want to talk to me. She called me a “mindless airhead,” which is actually a tautology, the English teacher said. A tautology is when two things are saying the same thing, so that makes one of them repetitive and useless. Like most of the things my mother says. I tried to tell her this, about the tautology business I mean, because I wanted her to notice that I’ve actually been paying attention in English, which is a subject that some people think is just as important as banking but she just went on screaming at me. We really screamed at each other. It’s never been quite like that before. Daniel went and hid behind the sofa. Dad went for his two mile jog. Tonight was just about the worst night of my life.

She was really, really mean. Called me names like a little kid. She called me a “singing canary” as well as a “mindless airhead.” I told her the singing canary bit couldn’t be true because that was the term used to describe Kylie Minogue and I don’t even like Kylie Minogue. Patti Smith to Kylie is like red meat to fake cream.

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